15 May 2016
Sleep Issues –
I’ve been in a manic spin for about a week now and it’s taking a toll on my sleep. Where normally I would be in bad and asleep by 11pm, I am now fidgeting and tossing until well after 2am.
I’m still getting six hours of sleep, sometimes more, but it is speckled with interruptions: getting up to wee; having breathing problems (I have sleep apnea as well); and the occasional noises from the road outside my window. Thank goodness the birds are not back this season – they were always chirping and singing until sunrise. Those little buggers kept me up many a night until I would finally collapse.
This could be worse. I’ve had bouts of mania where I would not get to sleep until 11 in the morning. I remind myself that it can always be worse.
So what happens when I’m manic? Well, I go on spending sprees; my thoughts race and I can’t stay on topic. People get frustrated with me because I don’t finish a thought before I’m off to another topic and this happens over and over again. Cindee is patient with me and she understands. It would help her if more people would share her angst with it. She feels alone a lot of times. Once, when we visited the psychiatrist, she came away feeling grateful because the doc pointed out how I was going in so many directions at once. This apparently is classic fare for a bipolar. Even on meds. When you’re manic, all sorts of things occur.
But, I’d rather be manic than depressed. Depression sucks. Thoughts of suicide creep in. Murder. Destruction. Just very dark thoughts. I can understand why the police don’t like me.
So, what has God got to say?
Romans 8:39 ….nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Here’s another verse section that hits on it better:
Acts 10:34 (KJV) Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons: but in every nation he that feareth Him, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with Him.
So I have comfort in knowing that my disorder will not destroy my relationship with God Almighty. But I can’t go around using it as an excuse. I am still responsible for my own actions and thoughts. I must be diligent to seek first God and His kingdom and then everything will fall into place.
I sure hope this manic cycle mellows out and I can get to sleep at a decent hour. But there is always the flip side: depression. It is too real. Too familiar to me. Let’s just take it one day at a time and see what transpires.