Send Help

(Sigh) I need a hobby. I’m bored most of the day. I’ve looked at the hobby lists on Wikipedia and nothing interests me. I’m worn out. Because of this illness I can’t write like I used to. The sentences just don’t come out right. Because of this illness my brain doesn’t hold onto information anymore. I can’t remember any of the computer programming I learned in college and trying to re-learn it is next to impossible, and, if I did learn some, what would I create? I’m so picky and so much of a perfectionist. I’m anal. Everything has to be just so, or useful. No frivolous nic-nacs here.

I want to write on this blog, but I feel like I am drawing at straws to put something interesting on paper. It’s a real pain. This diabolical – I”m sorry, I can’t find the words. Suffice it to say that I have high standards and I rarely reach them. It’s not the fault of my mental illness, it is in spite of my mental illness.

I don’t like watching tv. For the most part I find it a waste of time. Sure, there are a few shows or events that I will watch, but, they are very few. I like music and have over 5,000 songs in my collection but I don’t want to make it a hobby, that would be over-doing it. I don’t enjoy drawing anymore. Writing is not rewarding like it used to be, what with the lack of suitable skill to turn a phrase anymore. Gardening is out. Too hot in the summer – everything burns in the 100 degree heat. Collecting won’t work because there is no room to store things – we are growing out of the space we have now. Photography is out – I’m a terrible eye for composition. So what is left? What is there that can be done at home, that doesn’t take a lot of money to start and maintain, and what is creative enough to keep a mind at its edge?

Is my lack of interest in life due to being Bipolar? Send help.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Send Help

  1. My father was bipolar, manic depressive, a writer, an artist and a follower of Christ. I watched him give up, so this made my heart hurt in so many ways. I pray you get up, explore, volunteer, cook a great meal, take a walk, do something, anything, look for the good in all things. Just don’t give in and remember you can do all things through Christ that strengthen you. God Bless and keep writing it obviously suits you….

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for the encouragement D. I am beginning to understand why we Bipolars can’t get life insurance. It seems the longer this goes on the more challenging it becomes. I can’t even pray anymore like I want to. I’m too scattered and unfocused.

      Your words touch me and mean alot. I will keep writing. And I will try not to give up. Thank you so much.

      Like

    • I should spend more time thinking about Christ and how his death on the cross is our salvation. There is a verse in the Bible that goes some thing like this….”We should no longer live for ourselves, but for Him who died for us.” That resonates with me. It brings the reality of His act so much closer. I am assuming things here, but I am sorry for your loss. My dad died of complications from diabetes. I was 28. It was hard for me for a while. I don’t know any details about your father, but I am sure there is and was a lot of love there. After something like that happens all we can do is live our lives to the fullest. To make them proud. Again, thank you for your kind words.

      Like

      • Hi Cindy. Thanks for checking up on me. I have not as yet looked into things. I am on vacation at this moment. When I get back home I will revisit our conversations and then brainstorm for ideas.

        Thank you so much for caring.
        Eric

        Liked by 1 person

    • I still haven’t come up with anything Cindy but I am not giving up either. So far the big contenders are walking and writing. I am keeping my self busy writing a little here and there and when the weather turns better I’ll go walking again. Right now we’re in a spell of rain and we really need it. I used to do logic puzzles but I have absolutely no hope with them anymore. The meds have sapped away my thinking skills so much that I can’t even do those puzzles anymore. Bummer. I guess writing is as good as it gets.

      Like

    • Thank you. I used to like to walk a bit, but I haven’t had the motivation for it for quite some time. I don’t bike because of my knees. Once the weather changes I might talk myself into walking around the park. Thank you for your support.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s