What triggers my mania

When I go grocery shopping I enter another world. As soon as I enter those doors and grab a cart my mind starts racing. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night, doesn’t matter how many people are in there, doesn’t matter if I am there for a few items or a whole list of things. I can’t slow down. Inside I am bursting at the seams.

Having a shopping list helps keep me manageable, but I can’t think straight. I find myself going over the items on the list several times to make sure I know what I’m doing. The littlest thing can derail me and I have to take a long pause and re-evaluate things.

By the time I get to the checkout I’m exhausted. But then there are the lines. People everywhere. Unloading their carts, bagging their groceries, taking up space with crazy energy levels. I almost come unhinged!

It’s not until I get on the road and away from the crowd that I begin to unwind. Classical music helps. Thankfully I live in a small town where traffic is usually very slow. Our rush hour consists of cars going 50mph on the freeway for a total of about an hour out of the day. Real easy to plan around.

I find that any crowd gets my heart racing. I was recently at the convenience store. It was around 11pm. I figured it would be slow – just a couple cars getting gas and maybe a couple people inside. Boy was I in for a surprise. When I arrived there were four or five cars getting gas and three cars parked out front and one parked on the side. Inside the store there were people everywhere. I had to wait in line for maybe 10 minutes and by the time I got up to the counter my mind was all messed up. I couldn’t think straight and the cashier informed me that they don’t accept credit cards so I had to come up with another plan. I was able to find a couple bucks in change and that paid for everything but the damage was done – I was again, messed up. It’s the little things. It’s always in the details.

Another thing that triggers my mania is when I miss my dose by a few hours. Usually I take my meds around 9pm after dinner has settled. But tonight I forgot to take my pills and now it is 2:00am and I am wound up tighter than fishing line. Most times when I take my pills, I get tired soon afterwards. But when I miss my dose, something happens inside of me and I am awake for quite a while. Even taking my pills doesn’t trigger sleepy-time. Instead, I am buzzing with anxiety and all I can do is wait it out.

What are some of your triggers?

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7 thoughts on “What triggers my mania

    • You’re halfway there then, BronxChick. And if you are Bipolar II, knowing about the depression episodes is all important. We two’s tend to languish in the mire of hell for far longer than Bipolar One’s.

      Have you looked into reading some online mags concerning Bipolar? I can give you a few addys if you need it.

      Thanks for dropping by and saying “hi” 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Here are a few links to get you started. I learned of a couple of these through Facebook but they have dedicated sites outside of Facebook too. I also get “the Mighty” in my email every week. There have been some good stories in these. It has really helped me. I trust they can be of help to you.

    http://www.bphope.com/
    https://www.facebook.com/bpMagazine/
    https://themighty.com/mental-illness/
    https://bipolaronline.com/

    This next link concerns a beginning for bp magazine, but, it is on NAMI’s website. And NAMI has a lot of good resources for people with Mental Illnesses.

    So there you have it. A starter kit. I hope it can be of use for you, BronxChick.

    Oh! One last link. This is on Facebook…..The International Bipolar Foundation

    https://www.facebook.com/InternationalBipolarFoundation/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED

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  2. I work in a deadline oriented industry. One of my triggers is working late. Not by much. Even an extra half hour gets my adrenaline going and there I go… tripping into hypomania. Then I don’t sleep well, so its a battle with insomnia for the next few days and by then I’ve come undone. So ‘working late’ is a disaster for me

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    • OMG – I don’t know how you manage. I’d be a basket case. And my sleep issues are the reason I don’t work. I can’t function in that situation. You are a goddess. A super human.

      Liked by 1 person

      • lolololol maybe that’s why I feel like a don’t live….. Because I use all my superpowers to survive a day at work. It is a daily and weekly scramble to retain balance. And the domino effect is so sensitively tripped. To be honest? I’m looking into some form of disability here in South Africa. I’m finding it harder and harder to work each year I get older. I think I’m grasping at straws because our government is so stupid and corrupt I don’t think we have anything viable. But instead of dwelling on suicide, I want to research my options. But believe me, I’m no super human… I have to sleep at least 10-11 hours each night to manage the next day.

        Liked by 1 person

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