So, it’s been a LONG while since I’ve felt able to function – and – to write something worthwhile.
Thanks to my psydoc for being aggressive. First, and foremost, he has prescribed me some antidepressants. The first pills didn’t work. I got a bad rash all over my body. I think it was called Sertraline. (My memory is still full of holes) I don’t remember the brand name. Maybe Zoloft or Prozac. Anyhow, it was not the right pill for me, so we next went with Tegretol (Carbamazapine) 200mg. It has been a great change. I have some reason to live.
Not only has my attitude changed, but, I feel like I can be a member of society again. I still don’t think I can work a regular 9 to 5, my brain and my outbursts won’t allow for it, but I CAN work for myself and so I have started freelancing. More on that later. Back to the meds.
My psydoc, on our first visit, said he wanted to get me off of the Lithium because I have been on it for 10 years, and, with prolonged use is a high risk of damage to the kidneys or liver. I think the kidneys. Either way, the risk is too great to continue with the lithium so we have been weaning me off of it.
It would have been fine if we had something to replace it with. Weaning me off has led to violent outbursts and I have lost my relationship with the therapist. She was too scared of me and she doesn’t want to see my anymore. Ce la vie.
So, I am again without a therapist. Flying solo here. But that doesn’t bother me so much. I’m a loner and an independent person anyway. But I need those pills. Can’t live without them.
Now, I’m confused. I don’t know whether the Tegretol is the anti-depressant or if the Fluoxetine is the antidepressant. I’m taking them both. I think the Tegretol is to replace the Lithium. Anyhow, I am down to only 450mg of lithium (half of what I was taking at 900mg). Like I said, it has not been without incident.
I almost lost my relationship with my psydoc as well. He got an earful of my rage and he was unprepared for it and threatened to throw me to the curb. And yet, it was his fault that my rage was so prevalent because he failed to replace the lithium and left me (and everybody else) vulnerable to the rage within me. But, good fortune was on my side and he understood where I was coming from. So we are still working together. Whew!
So, now I have a website. The Inkwell — There I am farming out my services to anyone who needs helps with writing, editing, and/or proofreading. It has been a real challenge to put up the webiste, and, it was a lot of fun coding the adjusting. I still have a few things to do with it, mostly links and blog posts to do, but it is up and running. Yay!
If y’all don’t mind, I’d like to link to the site every now and again and show you what is going on.
I tell you, those anti-depressants have really changed my life. If you or someone you know suffers from Bipolar and they are not on anti-depressants, talk to the psydoc and see if that path might be helpful. It’s a WORLD of difference!
So anyhow, it is nice to be back and I trust that I will be active again. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone’s stories.