I was reading through friends’ blogs today and came across a poem that stopped me in my tracks. The writer described his depression and how everything in his world seemed ‘hopeless’. As I read, I couldn’t help but think about my own journey through that darkness. It is not a place anyone should have to travel to.
Suicide, and thoughts of, steals our joy, our optimism, and our hope. But God is good in that He IS our hope.
It is hard to remember that , let alone champion that thought of grace when the big black dog of depression is sitting on your lap. It’s a scary time. At the moment, every moment, it feels like the hopelessness will never end. And it consumes our minds.
I personally don’t know how I got out of that depression, and my friend didn’t include how he got out of his, but I am so happy that we are no longer in that place. All I can think is that God must have been watching over us and it must have pained HIM to see us that way. He probably cleared a path for us so that the misery wouldn’t take us beyond what we could bear.
I am in a happier place now. I have something to live for and it was there all the time. My eyes were just clouded and my Bipolar brain was confused.
Those close to me, heard me often saying “I’ve done it all. There is nothing left for me to do.” And that became my downfall. I created my own darkness by those words. My arrogance corrupted my path.
God is teaching me. My eyes are opening to the truth. I need Him more now than ever. And at the heart of it all is: TRUST. My sorest muscle. I haven’t used my trust muscle enough to make it strong. I don’t trust God to do what He says he’ll do. I don’t trust myself enough to do what I ought to do.
Spring is here and with it, a renewed sense of adventure. We dont’ have the snow like the northern states, but we get some rainy, windy, chilly days. So when Spring rolls around it is nice to see the blossoms on the trees and the blue skies.
Unfortunately, those chilly days will give way to scorching heat soon enough and we will be wishing for Fall again. Summer lasts for 6 months here in the desert town north of Sacramento and the heat can get up to 120 degrees fahrenheit. My first summer here it was 114 and I got indoctrinated properly.
One summer we had temps over 100 for 38 days-in-a-row. That sucked. Thats’ why I dread summer coming. We never know if it will be a record-setting summer or just a normal heat-stricken journey.
Since my med change I am a bit more ‘together’ – more aware. My mind has cleared a bit and I can think things through. And, I am more talkative. LOL. So, I will stop here and let you all get back to what you were doing.
Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for caring.
If anyone is in a bad place right now, don’t give up or give in. Seek out some help. It will be worth your time. The future is waiting for you.