Binge Studying

You ever find yourself so intensely attracted to something that you go on binges?

I have been studying programming so hard that my body and mind are exhausted most afternoons. It is quite a mess. I have begun to read books again to unwind from the stress that coding brings on me. I never realized how drained a person could be from playing. I do consider it “play” this coding  I am doing. I enjoy it so much. It is like I am addicted or something.

On the one hand it is nice to have something to live for, some pursuit to an end. Yet,  I find that it is taking over my life. And I want to be careful not to get lost in it. There is so much more to this world than just coding.

My Bipolar symptoms are settled – for now. I am having trouble sleeping but that could be due to apnea, although the apnea is not extreme enough to warrant a breathing machine, so says the doctor and insurance companies.

My mind is expanding. My memory is still lacking, but I feel that my cognitive skills are improving, if ever so slightly.

I wonder what it is like for addicts. Do they get drawn in so completely that their whole world is drugs or booze? How does that work? It must be a strong pull. I can kinda see it from my perspective now that I am so instensely attracted to coding. Is it the same sort of thing that, say, a ‘collector’ would feel? You know, someone who can’t pass up a Disney toy at the store without pulling the ole wallet out and buying said item because it will look good alongside the other hundred toys on the shelf?

I’ve attended 12-step programs in the past (in my young adult life) and I never got anything from them that I couldn’t get by simply reading my Bible. In fact, it seems a lot has been borrowed from the Holy Bible in these meetings. It seems Christianity is everywhere but people don’t know its Christianity that is being displayed or ridiculed or whatever. We have so many mentions of God in so many different venues that you can’t run away from it, yet, people deny its power, its core. I think that’s because they don’t really know anything about it. They just know soundbites. Movies. Songs. They make up their minds based on someone’s storytelling and its usually mixed inside a violent movie or a sinful song. They judge Christians without having any understanding of what a Christian believes.

On the other side of the coin, many Christians don’t even know they are corrupting the faith. They smoke, drink, cuss, cradle guns and gun rights over logic, they fight for the right to have babies but they don’t fight to have that baby in a good home with enough food and diapers.

We are ALL mixed up and we are all going to answer for our actions when the day of final judgment comes.

I guess my Bipolar mind is still running around like a looney because I just noticed how I’ve jumped from topic to topic without fully completing a thought. LOL

Just another day in my weird and wacky world.


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